First thank you for reading this blog.
The primary reasons for the blog are to
- Chart my course over the next 365 chronically my road to sobriety for gambling addiction. In the words of Gamblers Anonymous – an organisation I have used and benefited from – My name is ***** and I am a compulsive gambler.
- To assist anyone who reads this with their own questions about not only addiction to gambling but also to cover life inhibiting phobias and anxiety disorders; both of which I have suffered from
- This is not intended to breach anyone’s copyright but will use clips of music each day as an autobiographical aid as I reflect on my life and where I am with my own addiction. If anyone feels that their copyright has been infringed, please contact me immediately and the offending piece will be removed.
Throughout the blog I will detail how I became addicted to gambling and how I lost so much through this addiction I now understand I will never be free from. I can no longer gamble. I understand this fully now, as if I do it will destroy what little I have left of my life.
If you wonder ‘where on earth did I get the money to lose so much?’ while being only a normal working man I’ll state them now to illustrate but also as an apology to my beautiful sister who died in 2014. I pray my beloved sister that you forgive me for squandering all of the money which you earned with your fantastic career – then left as an inheritance to me – to only find that I lost it all through gambling. Part of me hope that, as you recognised early my talents in writing and in music, that this may somehow have been your intention, to take me down this path – and to ultimate redemption and forgiveness to all who have been hurt by my addiction.
My funds came from
- I was made redundant from a company I had worked for since I graduated and received a very good settlement deal and amount of money, which I then went on to gamble away.
- In 2014 my beloved elder sister died from breast cancer and left me an inheritance which I also gambled away until all I have now are huge debts.
- Around 2015 I read an article regarding Bitcoins and the way they could be used to provide a completely decentralised monetary system, where banks would no longer control the fact that less than 1% of the world’s population hold more than 99% of the world’s wealth. I loved the concept that in under-developed countries if crypto currencies really took off, then there was a chance of ending world poverty, ending wars funded by banking institutions and ending the control of wealth and maintenance of poverty in the world by a centralised banking system. So, I bought a whole load of Bitcoins, which had I not used these to fuel my addiction for gambling would have realised over £1 million. Instead when times got tough with my gambling I sold my bitcoins which had risen exponentially in value, to fuel my addiction until I was left with less than a fraction of a Bitcoin – worth less than £200.
Apologies and Gratitude
My addiction has caused problems in my family and I recognise significant stress to people who I know I have hurt, specifically my siblings and mother. I am fortunate enough that I am a single man and do not have a family as I guess if I had, this also would have been destroyed.
I send my apologies to not only my surviving siblings and mother but also to my beautiful elder sister whose inheritance I squandered. Again, I pray you are watching me now and can forgive me.
My gratitude during is also to my siblings who have supported me and shown me unconditional love. However, at this period in my life I send my gratitude and love to my youngest sister and her husband who now I live a life of transparency with, and they control my money. I am sure never in my youngest sister’s life would she have imagined she would need to support her bright, loving and seemingly intelligent elder brother in this way. But she now does with unconditional love. For this I am truly grateful to both her and her husband.
I am sure that this is the irony that accompanies many addicts is that they often share similar traits
- Are creative
- Often highly intelligent
- Not motivated by money
- Unselfish and loving
I state the last point as it is a fact that during my worst crashes and falling ‘off the wagon’ with gambling it has been in an attempt to raise money for my friends or loved ones who are in real need of financial help. The great irony has always been my attempts to help them has cost me more than they could possibly know or imagine.
I would like to promise anyone, especially my younger sister and brother-in-law that I will never gamble again. However, as a compulsive gambler and having attended Gamblers Anonymous I know this is a promise that you can never make as you never know when the addiction may come back, sometimes years after you believe you have been cured.
So, I state my goal which is to never gamble again, and I look to some form of higher power and perhaps through this writing to meet this goal – with the memory of my beloved late sister as a constant reminder of what I need to do.
I must cover this area as in my writing I will be posting musical clips which have inspired me throughout my life. If anyone believes at any time I have infringed their copyright, please contact mean and the link to your music will be removed.
By the same token I must state all writing in this blog is copyright © Michael Gamble 2018
The Music Choices
The choices of music in this blog do not fall under any category of merit, but are posted to accompany and individual day’s recollection of my life and progress along this path.
And finally should you feel the need..
or enjoy my writing, I do include my own Bitcoin address as well as my Bitcoin barcode.
Contributions will be greatly appreciated and will go, after repaying my debts, to Gamblers Anonymous and other charities.
I hope you enjoy being part of my journey.