One more day without gambling!
It’s been a very busy day with work, but that’s been good. I’ve actually achieved quite a lot and realise that over the time I was gambling only part of me was committed to my work and a large part was either watching prices of horses or watching horse racing or thinking of gambling techniques.
Now I have other things to occupy my mind and am distinctly aware that my work is improving.
I have decided to hold on my next blog about music as I feel what I write tonight is critical. The music can wait until tomorrow.
This I guess I wanted to write as a postscript to Day Two where I mention the controls I have put in place to prevent me having control over my money.
I’ll skip back approximately a year ago when I first involved my younger sister and brother-in-law upon being desperate after gambling away more than I could afford to lose.
It’s still very clear in my mind and it is thanks to my brother-in-law that he researched my condition and offered to assist but insisted that I put the control of my money into his and my sister’s hands. I’ll always be grateful for this.
At the time together, to show my commitment then, we made sure I self-excluded myself from gambling sites. On top of this we also made calls to the companies with who I had credit cards and bank accounts and one thing I remember now, which shocked us all, was that
MY CREDIT CARD PROVIDER NOR BANK WOULD OFFER A MECHANISM BY WHICH MY MONEY COULD BE USED ON A GAMBLING SITE OR TAKEN FROM THE ACCOUNT WITHOUT THE APPROVAL OF A THIRD PARTY (MY GATE KEEPER!)
Now I put that in bold not because it’s a failed attempt to write in crayon but if you let that sink in and ponder on it for a moment it does show just how there must be a movement and change with these companies to provide such mechanisms.
I could be very cynical and state that by not providing such mechanisms is in their interest. They have a vested and financial interest in keeping you gambling and getting into debt and always being in debt to the current financial institutions and the ‘brain washing’ media. God, I hate those gambling adverts on TV encouraging you to ‘go on, have a fiver on this.’ I’m probably paraphrasing there, but in these adverts the companies are aware, despite showing lip service by saying ‘when the fun stops, stops’ this I’m afraid is not enough. They know fully that it is in their interest to feed the needs of compulsive gamblers.
Also, I wanted to relate the conversation I had with a sports media channel where, after decided I wanted to unsubscribe to a particular channel to avoid any temptation to gambling.
I called and asked to be put through to the accounts department and was soon talking with a representative where I related that I wanted to stop my subscription and the conversation really was quite a joke after telling the person why I wanted to unsubscribe…
Rep: ‘So may I ask why you have decided to unsubscribe from the channel?’
Me: ‘Yes and frankly I don’t mind telling you honestly. I’m aware that I am a compulsive gambler and have lost significant amounts of money that I can’t afford by using this channel to watch the sport I gamble on; so, want to take away the temptation to gamble again and destroy my life by ever watching the sport again’
Rep: ‘I understand. So, you wish to end the subscription now?’
Me: ‘Yes, that’s right.’
Rep: ‘In that case I’m prepared to offer you a subscription to the channel at a much-reduced rate.’
Me: ‘WTF! Did you not listen to what I just told you!’
Now honestly I do get that person in a call centre may be reading from a script, but honestly does that stop you from having any sense of empathy??
One reason I avoid TV and love the concept of a decentralised monetary system via cryptocurrencies.
The night ended with a very open and lovely chat with my lovely little sister. I call her my ‘little sister’ not only because she is younger but also small in height 😊 – however they don’t make us tall (well not my generation) in the North of England and yes, she is lovely and everything she does for me is through unconditional love. At one time, perhaps when I was 20 and she was 14 I think she saw me as a hero figure, as I was talented musically, wrote songs and was in a kind of band. I pray that some day she will see me as a hero figure again by using my talents.
We discussed that perhaps now would be a good time to make a recording of the words that I am saying to her now which are that ‘I will always want her husband and her to control the money that I spend as I am a compulsive gambler and by definition will be for life.’ So that should a day come when I have money and ask for control of my money again, they can replay this message back to me and with any luck we may even find a way of making it legally binding for them to refuse me permission to control my money as I know I’d hit a bad day one day and blow all the good work I’ve done away. I feel so committed.
Also, I remember well that my late eldest sister, whose money I lost, in some way is watching all that is happening to me and all that I am going through and in some way it is her way of telling me that when I was gambling I wasn’t using the talents that she was so proud of me for having. My intellect, my musical talent and my writing. So, to her again I ask for forgiveness but hope this path of redemption may have a twist in that it is her way of telling me, before it is too late, to find happiness in things that mean something, have value, use my talents and also focus on those that I love.
If you read this and empathise with any of it, feel free to comment or seek help. It is possible to escape the grip of any addictions. Good luck to you.
I’m completely with the late great Bill Hicks on marketing, and I quote from a famous show
‘By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing…kill yourself. It’s just a little thought; I’m just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day they’ll take root – I don’t know. You try, you do what you can.
Seriously though, if you are, do.
Aaah, no really. There’s no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan’s little helpers. Okay – kill yourself.
Seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good.
No this is not a joke. You’re [going], “There’s going to be a joke coming.” There’s no fucking joke coming. You are Satan’s spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself. It’s the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself
I know all the marketing people are going, “He’s doing a joke…” There’s no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fucking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a Yank friend – I don’t care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fucking machinations. (Machi…) Whatever, you know what I mean.
I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too: “Oh, you know what Bill’s doing? He’s going for that anti-marketing dollar. That’s a good market. He’s very smart.”
Oh man, I am not doing that, you fucking, evil scumbags!
“Ooh, you know what Bill’s doing now? He’s going for the righteous indignation dollar. That’s a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We’ve done research – huge market. He’s doing a good thing.”
Godammit, I’m not doing that, you scum-bags! Quit putting a goddamn dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet.’
Also with the late great John Judge on his views that the historical position of the ruling elite has, and always will be ‘eat, consume and die!’
My life is worth more than that and so is your own.
© Michael Gamble 2018