One more day that I am grateful for not gambling.
If I were completely honest a big part of me wondered what I would write about tonight, as one thing I really don’t think anyone enjoys is reading someone wallowing in self-pity – as the day has been one of moments of anxiety, times when I’ve looked back at the amount of money I lost and wasted through gambling, how much this money would have meant to so many people and no of course to me as I see now my own income in doubt as my job security is looking or I perceive as very shaky at the moment.
The sun has shone all day in the North East of England with record temperatures again. It seems we are in for a lovely summer. Sometimes when I get a chance to sit in my garden I’ll contemplate on how good life is and just enjoy the moment and think of the love in my life and my family. But on days such as today my thoughts can turn darker as the absolute frustration, self-loathing and shame of what I have done, what I have wasted causes me to think some very dark thoughts indeed.
I always hold on at these moments and always take a pause as I know that nearly every time these thoughts come, another day will arrive, and I’ll feel more positive about the future and somehow find some way to redemption.
It all sounds very serious, and a lot more serious than in my earlier blogs, so I guess it is part of the process and will share also how I managed to lift myself from these thoughts.
The simple way nearly always is, which is comedy or music.
I’ll keep watching Ricky Gervais’s ‘Humanity’ or something else that will make me see the absurdity of life and how in the end, as Bill Hicks said, ‘it’s just a ride.’ Quoting in full
“The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it’s very brightly coloured, and it’s very loud, and it’s fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, “Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?” And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, “Hey, don’t worry; don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.” And we … kill those people. “Shut him up! I’ve got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.” It’s just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn’t matter, because it’s just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here’s what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defences each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.”
Just as I put that into the word document I use when writing my blog, I found an irony that the two words in that quotation were ‘colored’ (spelt coloured in the UK) and ‘defenses’ (spelt ‘defences’ in the UK.) These coincidences often have me surprised as also currently I’m not watching much TV but rather watching a lot of documentaries and talks on John F Kennedy, Dr Martin Luther King, Jn, Bobby Kennedy and people such as Colonel L,Fletcher Prouty (the guy who the character of Mr. X was based upon in Oliver Stone’s film ‘JFK’ as well as the great political commentator and researcher the late John Judge.
The You Tube interviews with Fletcher Prouty are mesmerising as he was a guy who served the US military throughout WWII and went on to be a top member of the CIA and the inner circles of the military establishment in the US. When he speaks he speaks with authority as well as a heart-warming humility about things that he had been part of during the time from the transition from the end of WWII to the Cold War and then onto JFK’s assassination and how the US government is run. If anyone thinks it is by the President of the United States, then this genuinely is very naïve.
There is a list of things of moments in history of which I am now completely certain of, and it really doesn’t take little research and using logic to know that:
- The Cold War, which has an ostensible time from of 1947 to 1991, but had preparations put into place prior to the end of WWII, was something that both Premier Nikita Khrushchev and President Dwight D. Eisenhower both had a genuine desire to end. During his last years in office, Eisenhower hoped to achieve a détente with the Soviet Union and his own humanity and hopes were shared by These hopes were shattered by the apparent downing on 1st May 1960 of a US U-2 spy plane within the Soviet Union and the subsequent collapse of the planned ‘Four Power Paris Summit’ with Eisenhower, Nikita Khrushchev, Harold Macmillanand Charles de Gaulle. The details of this eloquently recalled by Fletcher Prouty who was a senior figure in the Pentagon in 1960 and who, although believing he saw the names of four individuals who set this up as a means to continue the Cold War, never revealed the names as he believed that either these individuals were probably working for ‘others’ who will now always remain nameless – perhaps except for various tags given to the ‘elite’ who continue with their sinister machinations to perpetuate their own vested interests. The Cold War could easily have ended in 1960.
- John F. Kennedy was a humane man who expressed his humanity in his famous ‘A Strategy for Peace’ speech which he delivered to the American University on 10th June 1963. However, because of this speech, along with the successful saving of all human life on Earth by holding private correspondence with Nikita Khrushchev during the Cuban Missile Crisis in October 1962 and preventing all out nuclear war, with the worries from the Military Establishment and others that this signalled a softening on communism he was assassinated in one huge conspiracy on November 22nd, 1963. I sometimes believe the people involved, as most American’s now believe included members of the incoming government (including recent presidents), the CIA, the FBI, the Secret Service, the Dallas police and ‘others’ marvelled at the actually coup which was achieved, as well as relishing the on-going debates as a lesson to any future POTUS and American that ‘yes, I think you should get the message now. We can do whatever we want and get away with it.’
In his ‘A Strategy for Peace’ speech, although the words may have been written by his genius speech writer and friend Ted Sorenson, the words I believe he meant from the heart, ‘for, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.’
Such a simple message from a man who lived his life knowing his own lifespan would be limited because of various health issues, still tried to be ‘presidential’ and pave a way for world peace.
For this sadly he was killed in the most brutal and horrific manner. A manner which does make you wonder why if people needed him gone they could have found any means, but to do so in such a public, graphic and despicable way does send the message of exactly what the elite are capable of. Tragic doesn’t come close to describing his death and subsequent loss to the world.
- Martin Luther King and JFK’s brother Robert F Kennedy were both assassinated in similar manners by these powers. Both orchestrated to send the signal of who really was in charge in the US in the 1960’s and as the reverse of one phrase it would be ‘never peace, whatever the cost!’ I wonder if the US government will ever free Sirhan Sirhan, the ‘patsy’ in the RFK assassination who still to this day has not been released as he has ‘expressed no remorse’ for a crime he didn’t commit. Killing the senator who would undoubtably soon be the next US president. Instead the US got Richard ‘Tricky Dicky’ Nixon. It’s curious how his name is now synonymous with all that was bad with US politics in the 1960’s and crops up time and time again in some very sinister political occurrences.
The list continues and continues, the three above I guess being the highest in profile and significance.
The importance of John and Yoko’s quest to achieve world peace through music in the 60s and 70s made a huge impact without a doubt in the world psyche and changing people’s attitudes, but I wonder if at the time they were aware of the forces they were up against.
So, when I find myself in moods such as today, the self-loathing because of the situation I now find myself in I can put this all into perspective as I think of the madness of my gambling, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results – only to find myself losing everything rather than by a miracle winning my losses back. I can think of how significant this may feel personally but in the whole scheme of things just how insignificant it is.
In the words of Eric Idle
“Always look on the bright side of life. I mean, what have you got to lose
You know, you come from nothing, you’re going back to nothing
What have you lost? Nothing!”
No truer word spoken as well as the words of Bill Hicks when he says, ‘It’s just a ride’ and to enjoy it while it lasts, as the character Mickey (Woody Allen) arrives at the same conclusion during a showing of a Marx Brothers film in Hannah and Her Sisters.’
I find I have a choice to glumly concentrate my thoughts or the worries I have brought upon myself and the lack of ability I seem to have to alter the awful things that happen in the world, or to take heart from the people who in their lives have shown such courage in the face of adversity and to listen to the music and laugh at the brilliant comedy from people such as Ricky Gervais, Bill Hicks, Eric Idle. Monty Python, Woody Allen, Charlie Chaplin, Vic and Bob, Armando Iannucci – and the endless list of people who have spent their lives making us smile and laugh. Not forgetting to concentrate on just how lucky I am in so many other ways, with the love of my family.
So tonight, as I eventually go to sleep. I’ll decide to concentrate on the latter 😊
© Michael Gamble 2018
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